I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been in situations where we feel at a loss for what to do. Maybe you’ve faced some big impending decision on the horizon, or felt like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve met with lots of folks who have brought these kinds of issues into the counselling room, many of whom started off hoping for some expert advice. However, I try to offer something much more substantial and sustainable than easy answers to people’s problems.

If I were to position myself as an “expert advice giver”, I believe I’d be undermining my clients’ existing knowledge and resources that help them deal with challenges. People are smart! The last thing I want to do is assume that I know better than you, just because I’m a professional helper. You’ve got your own set of skills and abilities that have served you thus far, and if they did the trick in past circumstances, they can probably help in the present and future - maybe with a little tweak.

You may be thinking, “Wait a second! A lot of people go to counsellors because they feel like they’re struggling and they need some help!” You’re absolutely right. I don’t mean to diminish the very valid reasons we all have for seeking out a therapist. But rather than outright telling someone what the best course of action should be, it’s often far more fruitful to shore up existing strengths and knowledge to apply to the present situation.

Big surprise here: I do that by asking questions. Rather than giving advice, I might ask questions like these:

Have you ever dealt with a similar situation before? If so, what did you do then?
- Could that help in some way here?
Before coming to talk to me, what else did you try? How did that help?
Who else is aware of the way you’re struggling? How have they responded?
- (This could help shed light on relations that may help or hinder a solution)
If someone were to come to you with a similar concern, what would you suggest?
- Why do you think that suggestion could help?

Of course, I don’t mean to write advice off as bad or unhelpful. I consult with people all the time on matters they know more about than me. I’m just wary of closing the door on possible conversations that could help people feel more connected to their competencies and know-how. After all, most people see counsellors because they want to feel better, which this approach is far more likely to support in the big picture.

What are your thoughts on advice giving? Is there a time and place where it’s more or less helpful?